Friday, June 1, 2012

2 years ago

~Sad post ahead~

Well, it's been two years today since my father passed away from lung cancer.

I was so lucky to be down with him because of my job and awesome co-workers donating time so I could afford to be down there. My younger, most amazing, wonderful, and strong sister was also able to be there most of the time before he passed. I totally find that amazing with her job, husband, and 3 children being nearly 3,000 miles away.

So, two years ago my life totally changed and it was shocking (and still is) in so many ways. It took me months to even half-way process what had happened.   Grief is a weird thing.

Thankfully I had my cat, Simone Elizabeth. But my poor little girl was sick, she was sick before I left to be with my father, but she progressively got worse.

Simone

She was a very fickle little girl!  While she didn't let others near her, she let me do whatever I wanted, within reason, without much complaint.  She was mine and I was hers.  That's just the way it was.

Here she is letting me take a photo shoot of my first completed circular knitting project.  Maybe that was my first knitting project!

Simone Hat

Doesn't she looked thrilled! 

And while I was recovering from my father's passing I started to get into quilting.  Here is my little girl helping me lay-out the second quilt I had cut out. 

Simone Quilt

Sad I haven't been able to touch this quilt since she passed away because it's still just too hard!
*sob*

I was so lucky to have Simone around for another 4 months. Then I had to go through another death.  The vet thought that is was some sort of cancer, stomach maybe.

There has been a lot of moments where I just have to step back with my Grandmama, Dad, and cat passing away! Each of them in such different parts of my life and each I have to morn in such different ways.

But two years since my world was turn up-side down.  I'm cherishing all of my moments I had with my Dad.  I hear his sarcastic, loving words of advice when I do stupid things.  And in reality I'm doing less stupid things while I get through and "grow-up".

Part of my growing-up will be an upcoming de-stash of some of the fabrics I adore but just know that it's not the right time for me to keep them.

Thanks for reading and hey you couldn't see all the times I had to stop and sob while writing this! As my step-daughter told me just yesterday - I'm just too emotional. Ha!



13 comments:

  1. Shanna, I am so so sorry for your loss, of your daddy and your cat. My heart goes out to you and hopes that with time, the pain eases as your wonderful memories remain.
    xo

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  2. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I'm so sorry you had to experience so much loss in the last few years. I've been following your blog for a while now and I greatly admire your quilts. I bet your dad would have been incredibly proud of you and what you've accomplished.

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  3. (((hugs))) It was just a few days ago that it was 4 years for my dad. I'm afraid I know only too well how incredibly difficult it is. Life's hard, but sometimes it can be a reminder of how precious it is too, and keeps us from taking it for granted. I too have to remind myself in my grief how lucky we were to have great fathers.

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  4. I can tell you from experience that there will always be a whole in your heart from the loss of your dad. But, with time it gets easier and you always remember the good moments you had with him.

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  5. I can only imagine how difficult that time in your life must have been (my dad was in the hospital for two weeks a couple of years ago and I turned into an absolute basket case...and then I broke down crying on the street when our dog died a couple years later...what would your step-daughter say about me :)
    Many, many hugs to you during this time.

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  6. I totally understand. I'm so sorry. Grief is such a weird thing- and each person and each time is different. I lost my mom four years ago, my sister three years ago and my uncle two years ago- all within the same two week time span. To say the fall is difficult for me is an understatement- even now. Remembering the good moments is helpful. May you be surrounded with comfort.

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  7. Many many hugs! Crying jags aside (totally understandable), it sounds like you have lots of warm fuzzies there still. Those get to be there even when there is grief...and at some point, the fog of grief will be much smaller than those fuzzies....

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  8. I am sending you love and hugs. Loss is never easy, family, friend, pet. It is hard. I'm always here if you ever need anything at all.

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  9. Shanna ... I just stumbled across your blog today via Pininterest but you already feel like a friend.
    Maybe it is your cat. I have one sitting near me that often sits on my shoulder when I type. I have one that looks just like her pattering around my feet. I have a photo above my computer of one we lost a few years ago that still makes me smile. I had one when I was a girl who let me dress him up in doll clothes and sat in the window looking up the street each day waiting for me to come home from school. Cats are good people and good company.
    Maybe it because I still feel that longing sometimes that my Dad will come through the door and into the room although he passed away 30 years ago.
    Maybe it is because one of my best online quilty friends just passed away this week and I am feeling grateful that I knew her and feeling very connected to all my oline quilty friends ... new and old ...

    quilty threads bind us all together...

    {{{{{hugs}}}}} Pat

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  10. I am truely sorry for your losses...there are many parts to grieving....and I personally think sobbing is a really good one. You can have my shoulder! Take care Shanna.

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  11. Dear Shanna,
    There is no such thing as being "too emotional" when you experience a loss. First your father, then your lovely kitty. Sending special thoughts to you. Best wishes, Sondra

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